Below is an exact copy of the December 31, 2000 letter from Bill Purdy to his sisters Marlys, Frances, and Michele.  Below that are copies of other letters sent by Bill Purdy to his sisters Frances and Michele.

WILLIAM S. PURDY
1312 Kassan Drive
South St. Paul, MN 55075
Tele: (651) 451-1312
email: wpurdy@mn.mediaone.net

December 31, 2000

Dear Marlys, Frances, and Michelle,

        WARM GREETINGS to my sisters from their only brother on this, the eighty-third anniversary of the birth of our deceased father. I have plenty of good news to share with you on this very special day.

        First, with regard to mom’s house in Fargo, please know that I and Robin intend to fulfill mom’s wishes regarding that property. You will remember that mom often said, “Dad and I worked all our lives for that house..........” Mom’s very specific wishes for that house were voiced to us and several relatives many, many times. Mom’s expressed wishes for her house are numerously recorded in several of her letters and other writings, as well as speaking to the camera on video tape. Mom stated over and over that it was her wish that any proceeds from her Fargo house were to be used for her own needs and care first, and if she was dead, “......then the house that dad and I worked all of our lives for should be used for poor Kathleen’s care and needs.” I was with mom for an average 5 hours every day of the last 20 months of her life on this earth, and I know what mom expected her children to do regarding her house that she loved so very much, and as I live and breathe, I will fulfill her wishes if at all possible.

        To that end, I am very pleased to announce that the 1/3 interest in mom’s home which was gifted by Frances to the Catholic Bismarck Diocese has been PURCHASED from the Bismarck Diocese by the William & Robin Purdy Family. Also, the 1/3 interest in mom’s home which was gifted by Michelle and Ed Bergeron to the Catholic Archdiocese of St. Paul & Minneapolis has been PURCHASED from the Archdiocese by the William & Robin Purdy Family. Those 2/3 interests along with the other 1/3 interest in mom’s home have been placed in trust ownership with specific provisions for a special designation option to be made available for our sister Kathleen. In addition, the back taxes for several years and all liens have been assumed and paid. The property is currently being mortgaged and restored. We have offered Kathleen the opportunity to move into that house totally rent free, but she has repeatedly declined. We also have offered mom’s home to the Social Services specifically for Kathleen to live in rent free, but they feel that the home is too far from Kathleen’s daily medical and social needs, and thus they too have declined those offers.

        We therefore intend to rent the home. Having chosen to exercise the specific provisions for the special option for our sister Kathleen, all monthly rental proceeds after expenses will be made available for Kathleen‘s extra needs. Such proceeds are expected to range from $3600 to $6000 per year, but not less than $3600 or $300 per month in the year 2001. Although the terms of the trust designation option allow for all monthly proceeds from the property to be “made available” for Kathleen’s needs, Kathleen specifically has no legal ownership or no legal benefactor rights in either the home or the trust ownership. This arrangement WILL NOT interfere with the social services currently provided to Kathleen in Fargo, and will only be used to supplement her needs in conjunction with the social services’ efforts and desires for Kathleen. Because Kathleen’s basic needs are currently being met, it is expected at this time that any such monies will be used mostly for Kathleen’s social entertainment - the loneliness factor, etc. For example, this money can be used to allow Kathleen to travel to St. Paul/Minneapolis (or Minot if Francis will want her to come) once a month for a weekend trip, and to pay for a weekly social visitor to take Kathleen out for a pizza and such. It should be noted that it is documented that for the twelve months through December 31st in the year 2000, $2278 was “made available” for Kathleen to pay for bus and train tickets, hotel costs, meals costs, and etc. from monies left by mom for that purpose. It is planned that the monthly proceeds derived from the rental proceeds from mom’s home would continue for the remainder of Kathleen’s life. However, if our family should sell that property for any reason, all proceeds from that property will likewise be placed in the same trust ownership with specific provisions for a special designation option for our sister Kathleen’s needs and desires for as long as she may live.

        These funds will also be made available to any and all persons that will be kind enough to expend the time and effort to travel to Fargo to visit/entertain Kathleen (or to bring her to them), take her out for dinner, take her on a little drive or trip, or whatever. Simply call me and I will gladly send you or yours all the money you need in advance to pay for any such efforts on anyone’s part. Kathleen suffers in an absolute hellish and lonely life, trapped in the daily suffering of her mental illness. Additionally, her breast cancer returned last winter, and so naturally she worries about it returning again. For the most part, Kathleen spends most of her time sitting in her little dump apartment all alone. Some close relatives routinely breeze through Fargo and won’t even take a moment to even call her, let alone stop and see her. It never even enters their minds to extend themselves to her in such a manner. It seems that since mom’s death, Kathleen has few people on this earth who care if she lives or dies. This is not right, especially for all of the family members among us who wouldn’t think of missing Mass on Sunday, or are so quick to proclaim what wonderful Christians they are! For some of Kathleen’s younger close relatives who live in Minneapolis/St. Paul, money might be a factor in why they never extend themselves to Kathleen, and so funds from the trust option will gladly be made available to assist them for any and all expenses they will incur in visiting Kathleen, or otherwise helping to attend to Kathleen’s social needs.

        As mom would always say, and as mom said to me from her death-bed just 3 days before she died, “Kathleen is still a human being who needs our love.” Michelle and I have assisted Kathleen and have been extensively involved in most aspects of Kathleen’s life since Kathleen first moved to the Twin Cities in 1970. Sisters Frances and Marlys have been almost totally non-existent in Kathleen’s life since Kathleen first got sick in 1967. That is changing however as sister Marlys is now becoming heavily involved in Kathleen’s care, as well as in Kathleen’s spiritual and social needs. Most of Kathleen’s cousins as well as most of Kathleen’s several nephews and nieces have little or nothing to do her. Fortunately, Mary Purdy and Paul Purdy and their sons, and mom’s sisters Irene Carter and Leone Dodge keep in contact with Kathleen through nice little notes and letters which gives great joy to Kathleen. Also, Luke’s mother and step-father-in-law, Nancy and Jim Litecky, have written regularly to Kathleen with cards and nice little notes since Kathleen’s breast cancer returned last winter. Hopefully, we siblings will work together to help bring a little happiness and joy to Kathleen’s hellish life.

        Since the purchase from the Catholic Dioceses this past November, we have been working very hard removing all of dad and mom’s things, and restoring mom’s house to a rentable condition. It has been communicated to me (and others) in writing on several occasions that both Michelle and Frances have stated to both the Archdiocese of St. Paul and the Bismarck Dioceses that they “do not want any contents of the Fargo home.” Even so, all of mom’s and dad’s furniture etc. has been placed in storage until it can be equally dispersed among all of mom and dad’s children.

        Therefore, with regard to mom’s personal property and things, please know that you are welcome and deserving of anything you want. I apologize to you all for it having taken so long to get the contents cleaned out, but since I was repeatedly informed by the Archdiocese and the Bismarck Diocese that Michelle and Frances did not want any contents, and since I was quite busy with other events in my own life, I waited until the final disposition of the house had been determined to remove the contents. Much of it is absolute junk, but some of it is rich with memories that may make some specific articles invaluable to you. I therefore invite you Michelle, you Frances, and you Marlys to assist me in going through and distributing all of mom’s and dad’s property. If you do not wish to assist me in that effort, then I ask that you call me or send me a signed written statement detailing what items of mom’s personal property that you desire to have, and I will see to it that those items are delivered to you. There are several items that I think you will want, or that I know that mom wanted you to have, and those items will be dispersed to you whether I hear from you or not. For example, mom communicated to me that she wanted each of her daughters and her grand-daughters to have some of her dishes. In fact, not long before she had her last big stroke, mom and I planned to take a little adventure trip to Fargo so that she could pick out some special dishes for each daughter and grand daughter. Also, many years ago mom made up individual photo albums for each child. Those too will be sent or delivered to each of you. I saw Frances’s graduation picture in the pile, as well as a wedding picture of Frances, and those too will be sent to you Frances. Copies of any pictures will also be made on request. I have rented a storage facility for a year, and unless one or all of you wish to get started earlier, I am not intending to get started on this huge project until next summer. But if any of you need or want anything earlier, please directly communicate your wishes to me, and I will make a sincere effort to get that item(s) to you with little delay.

        In June of 1998 mom signed her 1/5 interest in Patsy’s home to my wife Robin, although mom’s sole intent in doing so was to preserve any proceeds derived from that home for her care and needs first, and if mom was dead, then to preserve any proceeds derived from that home for Kathleen’s care and needs. Mom’s further expressed intent was that if mom and Kathleen were not alive when any such proceeds from Patsy’s home became available, then those proceeds should be divided and distributed equally among mom and dad’s remaining living children. According to the City of Minot the 1/5 interest was valued at $7,920 for the year 2000. Robin and I intend to fulfill mom’s wishes regarding mom’s 1/5 interest in Patsy’s home, and to that end, Robin has agreed to the above terms in written agreement and deed, and she will abide with those terms if and when any proceeds become available whether at that time I am alive or not, married to her or not, or whatever.

        Any monies that were remaining from mom’s life insurance policy(s) proceeds has been, and will continue to be, used exclusively first for mom’s care and needs, and secondly for Kathleen’s care and needs. This too has been done, and will continue to be done, according with mom’s wishes. After paying mom’s care expenses which were quite considerable during the months after her September 99 stroke, paying on mom’s $17,000-(plus) legal expenses, paying additional funeral and obituary expenses in Fargo and Saint Paul, very little of those proceeds remained for Kathleen.

        Mom’s $1783 funeral bill in Fargo has been paid in full, and entirely with mom’s own money. Additionally, Delaine and David Poppke contributed $150 to mom’s Minot funeral expenses.

        Although mom’s grave marker has been engraved with her date of birth and death, mom has no epitaph. I am sure that you all agree that mom, more than any of us, certainly deserves an epitaph to commemorate her life of giving on this earth. I ask you Michelle and Fran to together write up what you think would be appropriate for her epitaph, and to send or email it to me. I will then get Marlys’s and Kathleen’s input, add my two-cents, and send it back to you for your further consideration and/or final approval. Frances and I were the principle authors of dad’s epitaph, and so she is quite familiar with how many words would be appropriate. If however, any of you want to be much more elaborate - or - if any of you or I want to inscribe a poem, story, picture, or anything on the back of their shared tombstone which is wide open and available for that purpose, then that will be fine also. The only thing I ask is that the cost or expense for the engraving SHOULD NOT be a consideration at all, and instead let us consider what our mother deserves or would want her tombstone to reflect. In order that we can complete this task by Memorial Day 2001, I would ask that I hear something from Frances and Michelle by early March or so.

Suffering Endured

        Our mother endured her suffering in her last years on this earth the best she could. In the last 20 months that mom was in St. Paul, mom prayed and sang to GOD every moment that she was alone. She continually prayed to GOD or sang hymns whether she was out walking by herself at her beloved WovenHearts, walking alone up and down my street, or waiting patiently in my car (or at some office) as she went daily with me on my business and errands. Mom was so gregarious and social, and she would strike-up a conversation with everybody, no matter how old or young. But when mom was alone with herself and only herself, she prayed and sang to GOD, and I believe that is what sustained her for so long amidst such emotional turmoil and suffering that she endured those last two years.

        I was with mom when she had her big stroke in late September 1999. We were on our way home from a Saint Thomas Academy evening picnic in my little Geo -(first Luke’s little Geo - then Lanee’s little Geo through college - now my little Geo). The sun was so very beautiful as it was setting and mom exclaimed out loud, “Oh Bill, will you look at that heavenly sunshine! Have you ever seen anything so beautiful?” She then said this prayer out loud, “Thank you GOD for giving me and Bill the eyes to see your beautiful sun, and your beautiful clouds.” She then sang her usual one line, “Heavenly sunshine, heavenly sunshine, alleluia, Jesus is mine.” Immediately after singing that line she said that she felt terribly dizzy, and that the world was spinning. I stopped and laid the seat all the way back - and then drove straight to the hospital where we arrived ten minutes later. Mom vomited for over an hour until they finally stopped the bleeding in her brain. Between vomiting episodes as she sat on the hospital bed in the emergency room she told me, “Bill, I’m not ready to die. I am not ready to leave this good earth just yet.” But unfortunately, she never really recovered from that late September stroke. As you know, she later got pneumonia from her weakened immune state, and eventually died. I believe Mom went straight to heaven. In my mind, if she didn’t go straight to heaven, then the rest of us are in sorry shape as far as ever getting there!

        Over the last several years I have repeatedly written to you Frances and Michelle asking for you to forgive me my indiscretions against the two of you and/or your children, and forgiving you for your injury to me and my family. I have also stated that I would gladly attend any sessions with any counselor or priest anytime or anywhere with either or both of you (or Steve Behm), and if you wished, I would arrange for such healing sessions.

        I was so fortunate to spend so much time with our mother those last 20 months of her life. Mom and I had always been very close. I thought I knew mom pretty well, and I loved what I knew of her very much. But during those last 20 months when we were with each other each and every day, and which days were difficult and filled with adversity for mom and me, I really learned just how wonderful of a person our dear mother really was. She was so full of joy and love, and as Irene Carter said at mom’s rosary in Minot, “Pasty was always so thankful for everything, she was so grateful for even very simple things - the sunshine, the clouds, good roads - everything that we all take for granted - Patsy was more thankful and appreciative for everything in her life more than anybody I have ever known.” Mom had the most positive attitude of anyone I have ever known - always so happy, and always putting the best slant on everything. I had come across the anonymous quotation entitled “Attitude” and kept it because I believed it reflected our mother so perfectly. I printed it and had it pasted to the wall in my office. Often times mom would read out loud in my office as we were emailing a letter or something. Every time she would read it she would say the same thing, “Bill this is so true except they forgot to add in about faith in Jesus too. - not add-in I mean just add.” I have copied it below as I believe this same positive “attitude” could help all of us as we go forward in our family relationships. Mom would approve and would say again, “Bill this is so true except they forgot to add in about faith in Jesus too.”

Attitude

"The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life.
Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important
than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than
failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It
is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or
break a company...a church...a home. The remarkable thing is we have
a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day.
We cannot change our past...we cannot change the fact that people
will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only
thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our
attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90%
how I react to it. And so it is with you...we are in charge of our Attitudes."

        With regard to the past acrimony between us, I am attempting to apply the above quote -- and mom’s quote on that quote, “Bill this is so true except they forgot to add in about faith in Jesus too.” Our uncle Herbert wrote just about the same when he wrote to all of us, “IT IS TIME TO MAKE AMENDS! The past is the past. It is time to look to the Future. There is Nothing to be gained by delaying a reconciliation. DO IT NOW!!” I think this is good advice from our uncle Herbert and I intend to continue to follow his advice.

        We five children of mom and dad have all already lived over two-thirds of our lives, and perhaps a much greater percentage of our time on earth has already passed. It is very likely that in a short 30 years we siblings will have all followed our mother and father to the grave. For some of us, it will be much sooner. I want you Frances and you Michelle to know that I have no intention of living whatever remaining minutes, hours, days, or years that I am on this earth with any ill feeling towards either of you or yours. Regardless of my failings, I tried with all my heart and soul, with all my being, to be a good son and a good friend to our mother. And regardless of my obvious failings, I have always tried to be a good brother to you both, and a good uncle to your children. As dad said on his card, “TOMORROW IS HOPE.” So it can be for us and our relationships. It is my hope that our future relationships rise above the pain and sufferings that we shared in the past. It is my hope that, as the Prayer of St. Frances implores us, we will be an instrument of peace towards each other, where there is hatred - we will sow love towards each other, where there is injury - we will extend pardon to each other, where there is doubt - we will have faith in each other, where there is despair - we will offer hope to each other, where there is darkness - we will light each other’s way, where there is sadness - we will bring joy and good counsel to each other, and where there is misunderstanding - we will truly try to understand each other. This was mom’s deepest wish in her last days. She told me often, “I was just talking to GOD. I am praying for pax - I want pax in our family.” Now she is watching and praying for pax from heaven above.

My door is open, as is my heart.

Love from your brother,

Bill

Lord, Make me an instrument of thy peace.
Where there is hatred let me sow love.
Where there is injury pardon.
Where there is doubt faith.
Where there is despair hope.
Where there is darkness light.
Where there is sadness joy.
Oh Divine Master,
Grant that I may not so much seek
To be consoled as to console.
To be understood as to understand
To be loved as to love.
For it is in pardoning that we are pardoned.
It is in dying that we are born to eternal life.

Copy on Internet at http://www.BillPurdy.com/FamilyHealing.htm
Condensed copy to all relative and friends

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Sunday, March 12, 2000 (Proclaimed by the Pope as the Catholic “Lenten Day of Forgiveness.”)

Dear Frances and Michele,

I recently received the enclosed copied letter from our uncle Herbert Poppke which indicates that he sent a copy of his letter to both of you. He also enclosed the copied Ann Lander’s advice column, Make Amends, A Family Feud Can Result In Death, which was originally clipped from the Fargo FORUM by our father who hand wrote “July 30, 1985 ” at the top of the page. I am not sure just how our uncle Herbert came to possess this article which was clipped by our father, but he did send it to us just the same. Our uncle Herbert states in his letter, “According to the enclosed Ann Landers’ clipping, It is Time To Make AMENDS!!”

Mom use to come over to my house most every evening for 3 or 4 hours during the 20 months that she was living in the Twin Cities. Many evenings she would come into my office and would enjoy going through her and dad’s old letters and papers while I was doing work on my computers. She would come across old letters, clippings, and etc. and then she would reminisce about this and that, him and her, from days gone by. One such evening, mom came across a copy of that same Ann Lander’s clipping when she was going through her and dad’s letters and papers. She did not put it back, but instead put it in her purse. She often showed it to others and would say, “What I want for our family is PAX. That would be the best gift for me!” (Of course we all know that PAX is PEACE in Latin.) Mom did not have the “PAX” in the family that she so desperately wanted from us at the end of her life. But now that same article, which contains advice that both mom and dad believed was important in their and their family’s life, comes to us again from our Uncle Herbert.

I believe that our uncle Herbert is 100% right when he says, “Past is past. It is time to look at the Future. There is nothing to be gained by delaying a reconciliation. DO IT NOW!!”

I believe that through our uncle Herbert, with that Ann Lander’s article that mom and dad both found significant, our mother and father are from Heaven telling us to reconcile. As this Easter approaches, we are all growing older by the minute as we are hurdling towards OUR OWN FINAL JUDGEMENT. Christ teaches us that He will not forgive us if we are unwilling to forgive others. I repeat from my enclosed Nov. 20, 1997 letter to you both, “I believe that it would be extremely hypocritical of me to give thanks to the Lord on Thanksgiving Day or to celebrate Christ’s birthday during Christmas if I did not make an attempt to bury my hurt and honestly attempt to resolve our differences. I therefore ask that the Lord intercede in our hearts so that we may truly ‘Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.’ ”  Our sister Kathleen has informed me that Frances is coming to the Twin Cities to celebrate Easter with Michele. Robin and I invite all of you, your children, their children, and their friends to join us for Easter Sunday dinner at our home.  Or, you are welcome to stop in later for desert. If you or yours would prefer, I and my entire family will accept an invitation to Michele’s home, or to a neutral meeting area or establishment.

The acrimony between us has caused untold sufferings within our family. I know you and your families are very hurt, as am I, and is my family.  But our hurt and pain PALES in comparison to the emotional suffering that our mother endured in those last 20 months.  Now it is Kathleen who’s suffering can be lessened by our peaceful and loving cooperation.

Mom and dad suffer no more.  I believe that they are now together in heaven. They see all, and know all.  They know what was in our hearts, each of our hearts, as we did what we did, said what we said, individually and collectively, that caused the acrimony between us.  They know all.  They also know what is in our hearts presently. They know what lies ahead for us, each of us individually.  They are calling on us to ask for forgiveness, and to forgive! They call on us to reconcile!

Although mom’s hurt and suffering is over, there remains tremendous hurt and suffering in our family.  You can blame me, and I can blame you, but none of that will change the past.  We can change the future only, and I am willing to try to restore peace and love to our family.  My door is open, as is my heart.

Love from your bother,

Bill

November 20, 1997

Dear Michele and Fran and families,

All people and families have disfunction, problems, and conflicts, but it is how individuals and families choose to deal with those problems and conflicts that distinguish individuals and families as good or bad, loving or non-loving. I have arrived at this conclusion as I have contemplated our horrendous, torn apart, family situation. Jesus could not be happy! I believe that it would be extremely hypocritical of me to give thanks to the Lord on Thanksgiving Day or to celebrate Christ’s birthday during Christmas if I did not make an attempt to bury my hurt and honestly attempt to resolve our differences. I therefore ask that the Lord intercede in our hearts so that we may truly “Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.”

It is in this spirit that I would like to take this opportunity to invite you and your families to celebrate Thanksgiving with us at our home. Our sister Marlys and husband John will be attending, as will Jim and Marlys Purdy, Jennifer Purdy, Luke and Sonja and Cole, Rachel, Pablo and some of his brothers and their families, Shelly Marsland, other friends, and the Liteckys. Michele, we will still be going late in case you would like to stop on your way home if you go to Duluth. Fran, I have been told that you have indicated to our mother that you did not want to drive all the way to Minneapolis, but in case you change your mind, know that you and your family are welcome.

Know also that if any of you or your family should choose to grace our home with your presence during this time, I will not prompt nor engage in any discussion regarding the subjects that have brought so much hurt and pain to us all.

I apologize to you Michele for ever intentionally, or unintentionally, failing to invite you (or your children) to participate in any family function or holiday in the past.

Love,

Your brother Bill

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